The Silver Sapphire train rolled into the Moonshineopolis for the first time in a rough couple of years. Hobos waiting for their train stared at the arrival of the sparkling sapphire caboose wondering what this omen could mean for Moonshineopolis. It’s well known that folks who consciously choose to ride the Silver Sapphire are the type of people that are desperately trying to lose something, but are filled with cowardice to do something about it. They have an albatross wrapped so tight around their neck that they can hardly breathe and require the service of a semi-friendly bandit and their semi-exquisite knife skills. So when a well dressed man stepped off that platform, pocket full of spare monocles and quarters in place of his eyeballs you can bet he was a man looking to cause a ruckus.
The man zany enough to ride the Silver Saphire was Hogan Mullin. Mullin was a key backer in many of the more life threatening food creations. He funded the Fried Twinkie, Fried Cheesecake, Fried Computer, helped blue print the Piranha Taco, the Venus Fly Burger and, perhaps the deadliest meal of all, Leadghetti, a meal made of processed lead noodles. His meals have been the downfall of a great portion of humanity and now every calorie he burns he hopes that it is his last. He’s too much of a wuss to kill himself and end his eternal suffering so he peruses death through elaborate eating contest. Despite his best efforts he is still alive.
Hogan Mullin reached into his pocket and tossed out a handful of clam shells while declaring, “I come here to face your most ferocious of eaters in an eating contest of wealthy proportions.” He took a bite from a beef jerky he held in his left hand, “I’ve created the galaxy’s richest sandwich: a hoagie stuffed with a million dollars worth of ingredients. I’ll start on one end while you misfits start on the other. The first glutton to their way to the middle is declared the victor and becomes C.E.O of my enterprise.”
C.E.O was all those hobos had to hear. It’s well known that to be a C.E.O of anything is a goal of most hobos. Once the title is acquired, the hobo code can be implemented into “Real Society” with the ease of petting a baby sheep.
With that promise, and a neglectfully loud belch from Mr.Mullin, the hobos scattered to find the finest of eaters. Mullin pulled out hundreds of bags from the baggage train of the car and began constructing the Million Dollar Hoagie, a hoagie so elaborate that Mullin would surely eat his way to Death’s doorstep and seal his fate like the fate of the others that have eaten his gross inventions.